Category Archives: Success Principles

Little Petty Pompous People

Published / by Lee Kessler / 1 Comment on Little Petty Pompous People

When I was young, my parents taught me manners.   Yours probably did too.  And, as I grew, they and other elders taught me to communicate with respect.  I’ve had some hard lessons learned through my life of what happens when I communicated too harshly or severely, using too much force, or too little respect.

There are times when one must hit back against unfairness, injustice, and stupidity.   Today is one of them.  I will attempt to mind my manners, but you may need a seat belt anyway.  And I encourage you to pass this Blog to any journalists you know, and, more importantly, to anyone who forms their opinions and priorities based upon the opinion of their favorite daytime TV talk show host, or their favorite night time cable news host.

By now, everyone knows the President of the United States has successfully negotiated a deal with Mexico.   You may also have watched the pomp and circumstance of his and the First Lady’s visit with the Queen, their visit with the heir to the throne Prince Charles, the State Banquet, the meeting with Prime Minister May, their historic visit to Ireland, their stunning and moving participation in the D-Day Commemoration.

If you weren’t shown images and reporting on these diverse and equally significant meetings, you either weren’t watching, or the news agency you were watching chose not to clue you into the world affairs.

I saw a chyron a few days ago that stunned me.  Fox News was alerting their audience to the fact that other networks were criticizing the First Lady for wearing sunglasses during the Normandy D-Day event.   Sure enough, other channels spent their time–not talking about the Mexico breakthrough, or any of the thousands of images and choices they had available–but rather about their perceived faux pas by the First Lady.

I don’t know whether it is taboo to wear sunglasses in the sun at such an occasion.   I have never researched that.  But–and here is my point–neither did the news media as far as I can tell.   No one sited some book of protocol.  No one sited any source or reference. They were too lazy to actually research.  Their “research” appears to be that they looked around in the crowd and did not see others wearing sun glasses.   So, they immediately concluded that Melania Trump must have erred.  You or I could observe and speculate.  But, where is the actual research for the smear by Media.  Goodness knows, if they had done that, it might have killed their attack–designed to embarrass the First Lady of the United States, and the United States.  I, for one, would like to know–so that the next time I am First Lady and will be honoring America’s fallen heroes, I know what the Media feels I should wear.

Of all the things she did last week, these little, petty, pompous people chose to talk about SUNGLASSES. I suggest you think long and hard about this before you rely upon any of these people for an analysis of anything.   Even if it were a faux pas, why not talk about all the other exquisitely executed moments in such a long and diverse trip?   Why point out the one alleged flaw?

The motive can only be destructive and deceptive.   When you can’t talk about all the victories, you point out the one wart.   I know teenage mean girls with less drama than our Media is demonstrating right now.

A mentor of mine pointed out that where we will be in the next five years will be determined by the books we read, and the people we associate with.  It makes such a difference to your character and integrity–and wisdom and grace.

Don’t let these people tell you they have a responsibility to be critical and to inform you of “all things not perfect.”   They do not.   That is not their responsibility under the First Amendment which guarantees their Freedom.  All such behavior demonstrates is the fact they don’t research; and they don’t prioritize importances in order to give you the most necessary information.

Well, it has been said that a people get the government they deserve.   I think we also get a Press we deserve.   If we reward these ignorant petty people, and let them sit there day after day pompously making fun, and ridiculing, it only encourages bad behavior.

With all my failings, and with all the times I have not evaluated with the grace I should have, my parent’s guidance stuck.   Don’t be “little.” be “big.”  Don’t be “petty,” be “magnanimous.”  And don’t be “pompous.”

And, in the words of a mentor I love and admire, “Don’t major in the minors.”   I’d like to suggest that last week’s media coverage, by some, of the First Lady didn’t even rise to the level of”minor.”   It descended to the level of petty. It was petty and unworthy of our Press who became the beneficiary of the blood shed by my ancestor and his friends to create this country, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights.

Our Media’s Executive Producers are going to have to work hard to rise to the level that they were worth dying for.   A lot of Americans over the centuries have died to make it possible for these little, petty, pompous people to have their “microphone.”   If they say that’s “our job,” tell them to take a long walk off a short pier, smile, and turn away–never to give them access to your precious mind again.

“Now, Lee…” I can hear my mother admonishing.   Well, Mom, this time I had to speak!

What is Courage?

Published / by Lee Kessler / 1 Comment on What is Courage?

As we watched the inspiring ceremony in Normandy yesterday commemorating the 75th anniversary of D-day, I was struck by something one of the surviving veterans said.

First–I hope you have your Millennial children and friends watch the whole ceremony.   Go to YouTube and watch ALL of President Trump’s speech.   This is not a political comment.  Rather, he tells the story of the monumental day from the United States’ perspective.  And watch Macron of France share the French perspective of that day.

This 75th anniversary is the most important one–in my opinion.  In 25 years we will acknowledge the 100th anniversary of a day that saved the world.   But, no one will be alive who landed on those beaches that day.   This was why yesterday–with 50 plus veterans of that fateful day in attendance–was so special.   It is our last time to see these men.   It is the last time to show our young the real living, breathing, heroes who made it possible for us to still be living free.

One of the “90-something” veterans was complimented by a journalist for being such a hero.  And the elderly man responded humbly, “I was not a hero.   These men–he pointed to the gravestones of those who fell that day–were heroes.   I was scared to death, afraid.  I was not the hero.”

To me, he was self-deprecating because he had been afraid.   I think any one of us would say, if you weren’t terrified that day as you landed, you didn’t know what was going on.

So, to that fine man, I would say this, “Why you are a hero is that you pressed on–despite the terror.  You made it to the beach, and off the beach, and on to victory in Europe.   Each one of you who made it to the beach gave hope to the next terrified American who was about to exit his boat, and wade into the deep water, under withering fire, and devastating death around him.  Fear and adrenalin and an innate sense of duty and purpose carried you off that beach and into history. No sir, you ARE a hero!”

That reminded me of something a colleague of mine discovered when his son was studying to be an Eagle Scout.

They were asked the definition of courage and bravery.   Father and son both responded:   having no fear.   And the Scoutmaster said, “No.   Courage is not the absence of fear.  It is the willingness to press on–despite the fear.”

Fear is a human emotion.  But when one acts–in the face of fear–to save a fellow countryman, to do what’s right, to face failure, to learn from it and get back up–that is courage.

All of those 150,000 men were brave and what they did, while terrified, made them heroes forever.

The same is true for you.   Fear is but an emotion.  Moving forward anyway, in order to do what is right, that is courage.

Do not expect victory without fear.  Do not expect growth without anxiety.   Even if the worst is facing you, do what is right for the greatest number, and if you must harm, do the least harm possible for the least number.  That is courage.   And that is also peace of mind!

 

Failure Principles: a Syllabus

Published / by Lee Kessler / 2 Comments on Failure Principles: a Syllabus

Thousands of books and articles are written on success principles.   Thousands of video gurus spread the word on the principles of success.   Why, then, are so many feeling unsuccessful in key areas of their life?   Success is real, and the principles that lead to success and prosperity are real.

Success leaves clues.  So does failure.   Let’s explore failure, and see if we can lay out a syllabus of key principles on how to fail: in business, in your careers, in college, in relationships, in leaderships, in health.  This Blog is especially written for Millennials, but it warrants attention by all of us I think.   Myself included…

  1. Spread gossip and rumor, without checking at all to see if the information you received is authentic.

2.   Speak as negatively as you can about other people–especially those you are jealous of.  Be hyper-critical of anyone who is different from you.

3.  Give yourself an unlimited forum of communication, and simultaneously block others from expressing themselves.

4.  Be ruled by your emotions at all times.   Allow as little rationality in as possible.   Go with your emotions and especially let the negative reactions and emotions govern your choices and behavior.

5.  Be the victim.   No matter what happens to you, and is done to you, take NO responsibility for any of it.   Point the finger of blame at someone else, and make sure they pay for hurting you.

6.  Deny any wrong doing on your part.   After all, you are a victim, right?

7. Go heavily into debt, in order to keep up with the Joneses, especially all your peers who are mounting college debt to the point it is now $1.5 trillion.

8.  Think inside the box at all times.   Do not, under any circumstances break out of the mold. Do not make waves.

9.  Be devoted to mediocrity.   After all, there should not be exceptional people or nations.   That would cause people to feel bad about themselves, if they won’t expend the effort to match the exceptional.

10.  Lower all standards so everyone feels comfortable.   After all, being stretched, nervous, or challenged must be a sign you are being victimized.

11. Take as many psychiatric medications as you can to handle your anxiety, depression, and psychotic tendencies.

12.  Lobby and vote for legal marijuana everywhere.   It is at best an ambition killer, so it should level the playing field for all of those who are ahead of you.   Make sure they play on a lower field.

13.  Do not learn to do budgeting or financial planning.   Spend everything you make.

14.  Miss as few “happy hours” as possible.

15.  Never break out of the pack, and the corollary is true as well.  Belittle anyone of your friends who does.

16.  Perpetuate the myth that the rich did not earn their wealth, and therefore it will be OK to take from them to help you.

17.  Be sexually promiscuous.

18.  Take no responsibility for your sexual promiscuity and its consequences.  When someone challenges you to take responsibility, say you can’t because it will effect your mental health.

19.  Be unfaithful in all relationships.

20.  Clock in on time, if possible.   But, don’t sweat being tardy for appointments, classes, or work.   If called out for it, accuse the person in authority of bias against you.   Shift the attention to them.

21.  Do what is expected of you, but no more.

22.  If someone “offends” you, never listen to them again.   You may even consider attacking them.

23.  Never set goals.   If you do, and you miss the goal, shrink back, lick your wounds, and don’t set that goal again.

24.  When you fail, refuse to learn anything from it.

25.  Keep your calendar on your phone.

26.  If you disagree with a law, break it.   And hold no one else accountable either for the laws they break.

27. Say mean things about your spouse, either to their face or behind their back

28.  Harbor resentment and think mean things about your spouse. Or your boss.

29.  Denigrate law enforcement.

30.  Avoid spiritual activities that challenge you.

31.  Do not share.

32.  Change majors, jobs, spouses etc. at the slightest hint of “hitting a wall” or running into a challenge.   If the going gets tough, say, “why bother?”

33.  Never learn to prioritize according to importance and value.

34.  Keep your eyes on yourself at all times.   And force all others to keep their eyes on you too.  Do not take your eyes off of yourself to put them on other people.  And never learn to say you are sorry.

35.  Be of as little service as possible.  If you can, force people to serve you.

36.  Do not uplift people. Leave that for some one else to do.

37.  Be a fault-finder, not a good-finder.

38.  Need to be admired.

39.  Seek the approval at all times of your peers.

40.  Never seek guidance from someone farther ahead of you in life.

41.  And last, be a taker, not a giver.  Remember at all times that all life revolves around you and your emotional reactions.

Sometimes we learn things better from the reverse perspective–if we are willing to look.

“Ghosting,” Tardiness, & The Road to Hell

Published / by Lee Kessler / 1 Comment on “Ghosting,” Tardiness, & The Road to Hell

This commentary may be for you.   Or it may be for one of your friends, children, or colleagues.  So, pass it on to anyone you feel might benefit from these observations.

There is an alarming trend developing in the culture–which in the long run will prove devastating to those who engage in it.  Two things signal something about the “perpetrator” which will effect their ability to have lasting, trusting relationships, to secure great success financially, and to experience freedom and happiness.

The first of those is “ghosting.”   The definition of ghosting is:  “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.”  Regrettably all too many Millennials not only end personal relationships that way, leaving the other person in deep mystery and upset, but, worse yet, they carry the practice over into business relationships, job interviews, employment etc.

I am sure anyone who “ghosts” someone else–unless the other person is a jerk or crazy person–does not understand that they are telegraphing the fact that they themselves have such fear, low self-esteem, and disrespect for people that they can not even face them and tell them “no” or tell them “they are not interested” etc.   Unfortunately, word travels, and they and their reputation as a reliable, trustworthy individual are now on the “road to hell.”   Trust has to be earned.   Once broken, it is hard to regain.   And the reputation for being one who cavalierly “ghosts” people is a real turn off to people of caliber, whose own communication abilities are such that they can confront and face any person or issue they might need to–even if it is unpleasant.

Personally, I suspect this may be coming from the same mindset that created the Trophy Generation where everyone gets a trophy for showing up.   All of us as adults need to be able to take responsibility for our relationships, and the communications necessary to either sustain those relationships, or to terminate them.   Anything short of willingness to express the truth of something to someone is, in my opinion, cowardice.

Having been in labor relations, I can assure you that no one hires or promotes people who are that weak, and in such poor communication.   Communication is the tool to resolve things, and to also explain and clarify decisions–even if that decision might be disappointing to the recipient.

Now, on to “Tardiness.”   Pretty much, I learned early on in life that if I was late for a meeting, I was stealing someone else’s time.   Time is valuable to us all.   And for someone else to take their precious time, to be on time, to meet with me for whatever reason–and for me to be late for that meeting was a sign of my disrespect for that person.   I stole something from them that they can not get back.

Basically, both “ghosting” and “tardiness” demonstrate a fundamental lack of respect for others.  And no one of quality will date, marry, hire, partner with, promote, or prosper someone who disrespects them.  They will move on to someone where the relationship benefits and uplifts both.

You may think you can do this as a regular way of operating your life and demonstrating your independence.   You can.   But, in the end, you will be mistrusted, gossiped about, and alone.  And that “aloneness” is indeed the “road to Hell.”

Food for thought…

The “Identity Politics” Conundrum

Published / by Lee Kessler / 1 Comment on The “Identity Politics” Conundrum

Have you noticed that those who base their identity on  their race,  their gender, or their religion etc.,–and therefore base, almost robotically, their decisions on that one identity–often seem to be the most confused person in the discussion or debate?   Have you witnessed them become progressively more agitated when you try to solve a problem through a set of logics beyond simple “identity”?   Do they sometimes seem to be stuck or trapped in a limited or narrow alley, with their argument restrained and weakened by their “identity?”  I have.   And I watch smart, good, well-intentioned people be less effective  than they otherwise would be.

So, the question is:   How does that happen?

This is not a Blog on indoctrination.   That’s covered by other columnists.   What I want to do is illustrate that the dilemma comes when we see ourselves through one “identity.”   In fact, we are ourselves, and we are members of a family.   But we are also all members of groups.  As a group member, we want to help that group towards its goals.   Herein lies the confusion.

We are not just a member of one group.   We are a member of just one birth family, but we are a member of multiple groups, and the confusion comes from trying to decide who you want to be, if the groups you are part of are colliding.

Let’s take an example:   I am a woman.   My friend HM is a woman.  We share that group and the interest and goals of women.   But, I am also white.  She is black.   So, we do not share the same group related to race.   If the conflict is defined as black vs. white, which so much of politics has degraded to today, how do she and I decide?  One white woman and one black woman.   Do we act according to our race, and ignore the other group called women?  Do we engage in conflict with each other because of our identity as black and white? Or do we try to decide based upon what is best for all women, and not just the women of our color?

But suppose also I tell you that my friend and I share another group.   We are both Californians.  So, we are both members of that decidedly unique group defined by our state’s boundaries.   So, what race and what gender do we support politically in California?  Do we support our state if an issue conflicts with one of the other identities?  Do we support our state if women from another state have an issue with California? Which “identity” is premier.

And we are also both entrepreneurs.   Suppose a racial group, or ethnic group, or state decides that it is hostile to our business and wants to force us to act in ways that would be detrimental to our business.  To make matters even worse, suppose a white man from Kansas brings a solution for our business issues.   What does my friend do about the helper being white?   What do we both do about the fact he’s a male?   What do we do with the fact he comes from “flyover country?”

What do we do if he is attacked for his religion–especially if his religion is different from ours?   So, does a black female Buddhist Californian support a white, male, Christian from the Midwest?  Does a white female Californian support a white, male, Christian from Kansas?

Worse yet we are members of different parties.   Two are Republican.   One is Democrat.

We three–the Kansas hero, my friend, and I–are all Americans.   Boy, this is probably starting to make your head spin.   How do I choose?   From which “identity” do I speak?  Which group do I support singularly, at the expense of the others?  Who do I attack, at the expense of the others?

Well, if my friend and I are sane and rational we will ignore all the noise, and support the people and actions that do the greatest amount of good, for the greatest number.  If we are instead insistent on shrilly screaming from only the point of view of our race, our gender, or our party, then we have a terrible, almost pretzel-like confusion.   We are torn, and no matter what we espouse, we seem to be serving only one group, one identity.  We help the one, and potentially harm the others.

The reality is that though we are in fact a unique individual, we are all members of multiple groups, some of which conflict, but almost all of which overlap in some ways.   Ex. the white woman/black woman.   The Christian man/the Jewish man.  The male Republican/the male Democrat.   You can do endless examples for yourself based on careers, community involvement, parental status, income strata, gym memberships, charitable organizations, churches, schools…

But, In our hearts, I think we know that all of us are members of the largest group of all–Mankind.   These others are all sub-groups.   More importantly, we are not just one “identity.”   We are multiple “identities”– part of many groups–and we set the priorities.   Perhaps it is easier to assume just one, and ignore all the others.   That eliminates the need to understand anyone else, or any other point of view.  We might be smaller and less wise because of that choice, but surely we can take solace in hiding behind the “identity” talking points of our lone “identity.”

I doubt it.   And that’s my parting gift to you–that doubt!!