This commentary may be for you. Or it may be for one of your friends, children, or colleagues. So, pass it on to anyone you feel might benefit from these observations.
There is an alarming trend developing in the culture–which in the long run will prove devastating to those who engage in it. Two things signal something about the “perpetrator” which will effect their ability to have lasting, trusting relationships, to secure great success financially, and to experience freedom and happiness.
The first of those is “ghosting.” The definition of ghosting is: “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.” Regrettably all too many Millennials not only end personal relationships that way, leaving the other person in deep mystery and upset, but, worse yet, they carry the practice over into business relationships, job interviews, employment etc.
I am sure anyone who “ghosts” someone else–unless the other person is a jerk or crazy person–does not understand that they are telegraphing the fact that they themselves have such fear, low self-esteem, and disrespect for people that they can not even face them and tell them “no” or tell them “they are not interested” etc. Unfortunately, word travels, and they and their reputation as a reliable, trustworthy individual are now on the “road to hell.” Trust has to be earned. Once broken, it is hard to regain. And the reputation for being one who cavalierly “ghosts” people is a real turn off to people of caliber, whose own communication abilities are such that they can confront and face any person or issue they might need to–even if it is unpleasant.
Personally, I suspect this may be coming from the same mindset that created the Trophy Generation where everyone gets a trophy for showing up. All of us as adults need to be able to take responsibility for our relationships, and the communications necessary to either sustain those relationships, or to terminate them. Anything short of willingness to express the truth of something to someone is, in my opinion, cowardice.
Having been in labor relations, I can assure you that no one hires or promotes people who are that weak, and in such poor communication. Communication is the tool to resolve things, and to also explain and clarify decisions–even if that decision might be disappointing to the recipient.
Now, on to “Tardiness.” Pretty much, I learned early on in life that if I was late for a meeting, I was stealing someone else’s time. Time is valuable to us all. And for someone else to take their precious time, to be on time, to meet with me for whatever reason–and for me to be late for that meeting was a sign of my disrespect for that person. I stole something from them that they can not get back.
Basically, both “ghosting” and “tardiness” demonstrate a fundamental lack of respect for others. And no one of quality will date, marry, hire, partner with, promote, or prosper someone who disrespects them. They will move on to someone where the relationship benefits and uplifts both.
You may think you can do this as a regular way of operating your life and demonstrating your independence. You can. But, in the end, you will be mistrusted, gossiped about, and alone. And that “aloneness” is indeed the “road to Hell.”
Food for thought…
Tardiness: Many years ago, my husband and I were creating a training package around the success and expertise of a stockbroker and financial planner. On the subject of a work ethic, he told the story of spending a year trying to get an appointment with a very important and wealthy gentleman hoping to get him as a client. Toward that end, he had stayed in routine communication with him during that year. Eventually, he got the appointment, but was 10 minutes late whereupon this gentleman refused to meet with him stating that his time was valuable and that if someone was disrespectful by being late, this gentleman was not willing to work with him. End of story! Our friend said he learned a valuable lesson from that devastating experience. Show up on time!